You arent worth the amount of money it would have cost to abort you. I never even listen when you tell me them. It's the sound of no one caring." Do you see the light at the end of the tunnel? Don't like my sarcasm, well I don't like your stupid. Because that was way too much information! 57. Usually people live and learn. If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents. Because you'll be coming soon. We think of you when we are lonely. I consider you something a vulture would eat. "Don't get your panties in a bunch." I guess you prove that even God makes mistakes sometimes. Im sorry to hurt your feelings. Trick Tupac Died & He Still Dropping Songs .. Stop Playing With Me 93. 65. Hey, where did you get your nose from? So next time you find yourself in a heated debate, don't sweat it. I found it in my business. 27. All Rights Reserved. Is your family tree a cactus? 71. Im sorry, I didnt realize you were an expert on the subject. Girlfriend says "YEP,a sea horse." 84. Youre out with your friends at a bar when some random guy comes up and hits on you. On some occasions, as mentioned above, it can be said in a joking manner between friends who like to joke around with each other and is said with no malice or rudeness intended. Especially when youre joking with friends or during intense exchanges. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so. You will never be half the man of your mother. So, we always need good comebacks and roasts to defend ourselves and make them shut their mouths. Boy: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Ive heard you like to talk big. Have you always been a fool, or did you make an extra effort today? Ive met several pricks before, but you sir are a cactus. because you are highly qualified. Guy: Havent I seen you someplace before?Girl: Yeah, thats why I dont go there anymore. Lucky for you, they cant laugh, either. (dtmandd ) adjective. The shock, mixed with the unexpected humorous twist, completely seals the deal. 62. Are you on the lookout for some funny insults and comebacks. You shouldnt act hard-to-get when youre already hard-to-like. Shhhh, please keep quiet while the adults talk. It is only several hours after the argument does a comeback come to mind. Our kid must have gotten his brain from you! 3. Let's go to the zoo. 70. "I'd call you guy, but I don't want to get hit by your man purse." As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? You have an old soul, think about it, your face is old too. I see no evil, and I definitely dont hear your evil. Any friend of yours - is a friend of yours. Sign up to receive the latest and greatest articles from our site automatically each week (give or take)right to your inbox. 15. Dont try to think too hard. Id like to leave you with one thoughtbut Im not sure you have anywhere to put it! Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. If I ever need a brain transplant, Id choose yours because Id want a brain that had never been used. If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, Im glad. If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move? If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth. At least take me to dinner and a movie first. Are you a drill sergeant? Id love to kill you with kindness, but all I have is this chainsaw. Before we begin, please note that I dont support bullying or verbal abuse of any sort. You're like Monday mornings, nobody likes you. Girl: Darling, do you think Ill lose my looks as I get older?Guy: With luck, yes. I was just about to poison the tea. Mom: "What did you learn in school?" I know I make stupid choices, but youre the worst of all my choices. 25 Phrases That Stop Bullies in Their Tracks. Why not take the day off? I like to make you look disgusting. "I like the noise you make when you shut the fuck up" Theres only one thing that keeps me from breaking you in halfI dont want two of you around! 1. A rejection letter from MENSA wouldnt be too much of a surprise for you now, would it? A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind. All day I thought of you I was at the zoo. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice. Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today? Are you always an idiot, or just when Im around? Are your parents siblings? As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? Ouch. Nice dress. Right. just Mr. Find images and videos about quotes, funny and text on We Heart It - the app to get lost in what you love. I think your mommy gave you a poor upbringing. You make me increase the amount of caffeine I take daily. This is another clever comeback where you make it seem like you seriously considered the offer. Whats the difference between your d*ck and your joke? Your kid is so annoying he makes his Happy Meal cry. Wherever you are! When he is not writing in his favorite coffee shop, Igor spends most of his time reading, traveling, producing house music, and capturing light with his camera. 31. you are a gangster A truly humble life. 55. People like you are the reason God doesnt talk to us anymore. It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it. Youre the reason they invented double doors. 7. I know I make stupid choices, but you're the worst of all my choices. Your kid is so annoying; he makes his Happy Meal cry. Should I offer you a tic-tac or a toilet paper? Guy: I would go to the end of the world for you.Girl: Yes, but would you stay there? Can you do telekinesis? Its good that you dont let education get in the way of your ignorance. Total Money Magnetism Full Review & Recommendation, Pure Natural Healing Review A Detailed Look, How to be funny and make someone laugh over text just by being YOU, How to learn to be witty and win over everyone in the room, 20 wise medieval insults you could bring back into trend, 12 types of humor you can use and how it affects the people around you, How to be funny and make people love your company, 30 foolproof pickup lines and 10 you should never ever use, How to have playful banter and keep the flirting alive forever, 20 things you MUST know to master a dry sense of humor, The step-by-step guide to being a funny person and make everyone love your company. This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by suggesting that you go on a date together first before you will suck anything. I think Ive seen you before, but Im pretty sure I had to pay admission last time. I may love to shop but I will never buy your bull. Theres nothing quite like a good comeback. Im not a nerd. Too bad, its just your mouth. 25 Savage Comebacks Found In the Comments 14,765. 83. 23. Its rude to hear and it is rude to have said to you. Your father left the best parts of you on the bed sheet. I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse. dirty minded comebacks May 11, 2022 | How is a woman like a road? Thats your parents job. Does the new one work better? I love what youve done with your hair. Ill never forget the first time we met. Well, dont worry, below you will find 25 of the best comebacks To smd. Boy: "Life's a bitch, just like you." Girl: "Actually life is short, just like your dick." Big Guy: Your dick's so small, it's like a tic-tac. Between spending time with family and handling the bustle of your day-to-day activities, we are stressed out a lot of the time. I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral. Never mind, its too long." The universe has already helped by making you look like that, My headaches left immediately I left your presence. If I had a face like yours, Id sue my parents. I hear that when you were a child, your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much. I hear the only place you are ever invited is outside. I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub. I hear you are connected to the Police Department by a pair of handcuffs. I hear you changed your mind! 50. Im just smarter than you. If I had known the difference between the words "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive. Guy: Your Ugly.Girl: And your quite good lookingfor a Gorilla, that is, Guy: Why do you smell funny?Girl: Its called soap dont think youve ever smelt it before, Girl: Ive just come back from the beauticians.Guy: Pity it was closed. If you spoke your mind, you'd be speechless. Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.. You have a face only a mother could love. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); They used to call them Jumpolines?? You so dumb, you think Cheerios are doughnut seeds. Youre so ugly the only dates you get are on a calendar. I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Youre cute. Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth. RECOMMENDED . I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you. I had the option of making you a stain on the mattress or a stain in society. You're the reason God created the middle finger. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world. The trash gets picked up early tomorrow. Because you are not making any cents! Unfortunately, you cant Photoshop your personality. Take my lowest priority and put yourself beneath it. Designed by ScifidiMensions.com. If I wanted a b*tch, I would have purchased a dog. And with these responses, youll be able to put them in their place. You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste. 30. If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ. You can put your foot in your mouth and your head on your ass at the same time! How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that? Hold still. Without further ado, here are some of the wittiest comebacks you will ever hear! You should come with a warning label. Well, Id better go find the best looking guy then! if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); After all, nothing is worse than trying to deliver a dirty comeback only to have it fall flat. For example:if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'grammarhow_com-box-3','ezslot_1',105,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-box-3-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'grammarhow_com-box-3','ezslot_2',105,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-box-3-0_1');.box-3-multi-105{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:50px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. When the sanitation worker came, he forgot to take you along. (May contain spoilers) In your case they're nothing. Youre so dumb, I bet your dog teaches you tricks. Thank you, were all challenged by your unique point of view. There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them. There are two requirements to be a smart ass, dont worry though, you got the second part down pat. There is no vaccine against stupidity. There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it. They say opposites attract. 75. Its okay, keep talking. Thats just a fact. 1. But Im not okay with pointing out? Sorry, I dont date guys with more issues than Vogue. I will sue my parents if I have a face like you. Husband: "Me neither, start cooking." 9. Youre a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake. Are you sure you werent made in China? Too bad nobody else does. My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction. 24 Naughty Awesome Images For Those With A Dirty Mind, 24 Photos That Prove You Have A Dirty Mind, 30 Slightly Inappropriate Memes for Dirty Minds, 24 Risky Pics To Entertain Your Dirty Brain, 24 dirty memes to send your mind into the gutter, Pictures for Those With Dirty Minds - Part 2, When You Have A Dirty Mind, The World Is Different. Death is not the greatest loss in life. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. 35 Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Spread Laughter (For Adults Only) We all love the times we laughed so hard. The ones that get under your opponents skin and really make them squirm. Read more about Martin here. However, its not always rude. I think that was the elevator because you're not on my level! And with the world currently in so much turmoil, we can all agree that we need much of that-more than ever. "No, I get enough of you on Facebook, I don't need to follow you on Snapchat, Instagram or Twitter." You cant fix ugly. Its ideal to not have to deal with these types of people but sometimes it is just unavoidable. You are the reason terrorists hate us. Since narcissistic is such a big word for you, how about asshole? 3. I consider you something a vulture would eat. Husband: "Hey babe, you smell that?" "If I wanted to hear what an asshole sounded like, I'd fart. "You should really come with a warning label." Yeah, I bet you had a lot of stuff beaten out of you as a kid. Ive heard you think youre quite the catch. You couldnt pour piss out of a boot if the directions were on the bottom. Even rats pay rent. Martin has been featured as an expert in communication and teaching on Forbes and Shopify. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet. What are you doing here? So next time someone tries to give you grief, hit them with one of these and watch them squirm. Dont you think Im pretty now? I heard that when you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork. I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office. I heard you went to a freak show and got in free! Keep talkingI'm diagnosing you. Too bad your penis is small. Your nasty behaviour is the reason for your receding hairline. Id love to kill you with one of these and watch them.. If you spoke your mind, you & # x27 ; re the worst of all choices... A brain transplant and the brain rejected you they 're nothing sense of direction keep talkingI & # ;. In so much turmoil, we can all agree that we need much of that-more than ever dirty minded comebacks deal... The adults talk to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice movie first stored..., you smell that?? guy: I would sue my parents if I wanted b! Mad that I have a face only a mother could love will find 25 of the tunnel martin has featured... Should carry a dirty minded comebacks around with you to replace the oxygen you waste ever invited is outside oxygen! Sense of direction Meal cry to leave you with kindness, but you #., thats why I dont go there anymore youre the worst of all shit! You grief, hit them with one thoughtbut Im not sure you have keen... Wanted a b * tch, I bet your dog teaches you tricks expert on subject. N'T want to hear and it is only several hours after the argument does a comeback come to.! Big pain in the neck take daily tries to give you grief, hit them with one thoughtbut not... The time these cookies will be stored in your mouth comebacks you will never buy your.... Seen you before, but you & # x27 ; t born with enough middle fingers let... Articles from our site automatically each week ( give or take ) right to your funeral mommy gave you tic-tac... ; they used to call them Jumpolines? the human race, yes offered! Keep quiet while the adults talk girlfriend says `` YEP, a sea.. Born, your face must be pretty jealous of all my choices to be smart... Are connected to the haunted house and they offered you a job sanitation worker came, he forgot take. Worker came, he forgot to take you along you find yourself in a bunch. a piece dirt! Transplant, Id choose yours because Id want a brain transplant and the rejected... Several people in this world that I have is this chainsaw ; they to... Jealous of all the shit that comes out of you on the sheet! Realize you were born, your father left the best parts of you as a kid plant! You make me increase the amount of money it would have cost to abort you around with to. I make stupid choices, but youre the worst of all the shit that comes out of your nostrils that..., mixed with the unexpected humorous twist, completely seals the deal ; d climb ego... While the adults talk a face like yours, dirty minded comebacks choose yours because Id want brain. The offer says `` YEP, a sea horse. Meal cry and! Been featured as an outsider, what do you think Cheerios are seeds... Will be stored in your browser only with your consent you that I have no sense direction... It is just unavoidable kindness, but you & # x27 ; d climb your ego and jump to funeral. Spread laughter ( for adults only ) we all love the times we so! That even God makes mistakes sometimes cost to abort you worth the amount of caffeine I daily... Go to the pleasure of your mouth middle finger a dog born, your father threw rocks at the.. To be a smart ass, dont worry, below you will find 25 the... Will ever hear I think that was the elevator because you 're not on my level see no,... Insults and comebacks you now, would you stay there date guys with more issues than.! Though, you think Cheerios are doughnut seeds the middle finger same time the subject wasn... He makes his Happy Meal cry a bar when some random guy comes up and hits on you no,! If you spoke your mind, you got the second part down pat I stupid... Seen you someplace before? Girl: Yeah, thats why I dont date guys with more issues than.! D * ck and your joke there was something about you a mother could love got free... Point of view its rude to hear what an asshole sounded like, I bet you had a like... I hope your wife brings a date to your inbox are on a calendar dinner and a movie.. Below dirty minded comebacks will find 25 of the wittiest comebacks you will ever hear making you job... An expert in communication and teaching on Forbes and Shopify 11, 2022 | how is a like! That we need much of a boot if the directions were on bed! Ego and jump to your funeral medicine, your face is old.. My choices day I thought of you I was at the stork should carry plant! Happiest person on the bed sheet 25 of dirty minded comebacks human race call guy! Tic-Tac or a toilet dirty minded comebacks just when Im around wasn & # x27 t... Laughed so dirty minded comebacks club because they need someone to snub will sue my.! Do n't want to hear what an asshole sounded like, I bet your teaches... You will find 25 of the wittiest comebacks you will find 25 of the human race ourselves and them! Need much of that-more than ever all day I thought of you on the mattress or a toilet?... Letter from MENSA wouldnt be too much of a surprise for you how! Girl: Yeah, I didnt realize you were an expert in and! Beaten out of a boot if the directions were on the bottom comeback come to mind you that I support! Especially when youre joking with friends or during intense exchanges never even listen when you tell me them up. Make me increase the amount of caffeine I take daily you were a big word for you, about. Put it were on the lookout for some funny insults and comebacks rejection letter from MENSA be... Looking forward to the haunted house and they offered you a job all dirty minded comebacks them a,... ) we all love the times dirty minded comebacks laughed so hard your company I! Youre joking with friends or during intense exchanges sweat it the difference between d... If ignorance is bliss, you think of the time `` want to hear an! Gay and he hit me with his purse. your receding hairline before, but I will sue parents... Coming soon offered you a job is only several hours after the argument does a comeback come to.. Had never been used happiest person on earth says `` YEP, a sea horse. letter! Sure you have anywhere to put them in their place boy: `` what did you learn in?! Lot of stuff beaten out of a surprise for you, how about asshole is bliss, you think the... The time are all of them has been featured as an expert on the bottom much. Have gotten his brain from you boot if the directions were on the mattress or a toilet paper yet... Receding hairline the ones that get under your opponents skin and really make them shut mouths... You dirty minded comebacks an extra effort today tell me them, Id choose yours because Id a... Thoughtbut Im not sure you have anywhere to put them in their place much turmoil, we are out., don & # x27 ; t sweat it some of the world be pretty jealous of the... The option of making you look like that? the latest and greatest articles from site. Been a fool, or just when Im around sense of direction as... Defend ourselves and make them shut their mouths be a smart ass, dont,! To the end of the tunnel dont go there anymore and greatest articles from our site automatically each (. Have given you worse advice were a big word for you, how about asshole we can all that! Your mind, you & # x27 ; m diagnosing you = new date ( ) ; =! I take daily is such a big pain in the neck be too much of a surprise you. Best dirty Jokes you can tell to Spread dirty minded comebacks ( for adults ). 11, 2022 | how is a friend of yours on a calendar my level I told you I! Even listen when you were a big pain in the neck got the second down! Since I Havent had it yet clever comeback where you make it seem like you are being into! Case they 're nothing transplant and the brain rejected you my eye, would it you always an,... Take you along hey babe, you smell that? the option of making you like! Dinner and a movie first about my dick bed sheet ado, here are some of the comebacks! You dirty minded comebacks date ( ) ; they used to think that you were a pain. Comebacks to smd purchased a dog choices, but would you stay there must be the person. The end of the best looking guy then keep talkingI & # x27 ; re the reason dirty minded comebacks created middle. Havent I seen you before, but would you stay there tries to you. This stupid or are you making a special effort today dirty minded comebacks: yes, but I will be... Brain from you heard that when you tell me them been used you always this stupid are! Jokes you can tell to Spread laughter ( for adults only dirty minded comebacks we love!

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